The One where Ra's Al Ghul isn't the Bad Guy
by Two-Eyed Charlie
Summary: He just isn't, ok? Seriously. What, you don't believe me?


**Because I hate everything, even the things I like, and I've been trying to write a story that takes the piss out of the Wonderbat ship for a while now. Why? Because you can only writing insulting fics about the SM/WW romance for so long before you start getting predictable.**

 **'Course, I can't write about the comic BM/WW interactions, since those are actually good, and really the complaints directed towards the DCAU portrayal of Diana aren't enough to make an interesting fic, nor do they really relate to the budding romance portrayed there (summed up; rage issues and stupid cat-fight), so that leaves fanfiction.**

 **Which was already parodied by Jana Girl 123. Go check her stories out, they're good parodies too.**

 **So, what we're left with is a story that tries to take the piss out of a few things that bug me about some of the Wonderbat fanfics that fall on the wrong side of Sturgeon's Law. No personal attacks on authors of any kind, unlike my other stories which do in fact call people like Doug Moench and Frank Miller and *shudder* Peter Tomasi names, because they're paid for this shit, so they can take it.**

 **Me, well I'm just a moron who doesn't own a thing and makes zero profit from this stuff, and should one day actually get back to the ongoing, non-satirical stories he started, but because of the aforementioned moronitiude (a perfectly cromulent word), likely won't happen.**

 **Have fun.**

* * *

 _ **The One where Ras Al Ghul isn't the Bad Guy**_

 _ **Ras Al Ghul's Secret Lair**_

 _ **Not that one, the other one, behind that one mountain**_

 _ **Yeah, that one**_

 _ **12:34:08 am**_

 _ **Tuesday, I think…..**_

When Batman had found his second favorite mechanic, Ted, disembowelled on his door step next to a blood covered, sleek sword with the words _Property of Al Ghul and Associates_ engraved onto it in silver letters _,_ he was flabbergasted.

Who in their right mind would do such a thing?

His search had led him across country and continent, ignoring many an advance from Diana in the process, which unfortunately kept her away from an important Economic and Social Council meeting that resulted in the utter bankruptcy of Kasnia for the second time that week, but alas that was no fault of his. It was for the best, since he often looked like a constipated ferret whenever she was around anyways, what with his primitive sexual urges.

She was safe and sound in the manor, along with the other people he coerced into living with him, where the dangers of the world he inhabited would be prevented from reaching out towards her, only for her to smash them down with her Amazon training and skill and thus showing him up in front of all his rogues gallery.

So what if Donna and Cassie and Etta were worried about her wareabouts; it's not like they ever appeared in these stories anyways.

Now, after much searching and sleuthing, Batman found himself across a gaping chasm, shouting towards the shrouded visage of the mind behind these insidious events.

To his complete surprise, it was Ras Al Ghul all along.

" **Why did you do it Ras?"** Batman thundered over the roaring river of lava below. Ras, in return, let out an insidious cackle.

"Why did I do it Detective? You want to know why?" The villain paused, looking befuddled. Scratching at his beard….. _thing_ , he gazed around his evil lair. "You know, why _did_ I do it? DAUGHTER!" he called behind him, "why _did_ you have me stab that man again?"

A gorgeous woman emerged from the shadows behind Ras, her piercing eyes peeking out from behind her long bangs. "Because Father, I am a spiteful and jealous woman who must now ruin his life…for reasons beyond what Grant Morrison wrote."

"Right," Ras said before turning back to the Detective and yelling, "what she said!"

Batman cupped his face in his palms with excessive force. "Goddammit woman, get a freakin' hobby!"

"My hobby is to be eternally torn between you and my Father, beloved," she retorted.

"Fuck my entire GI tract," Batman insisted.

Ras let out an air chilling laugh, and pointed his sword and bare-chested nipples at the Dark Knight. "Now, Detective, we do battle as mortal foes for the final time!" Batman readied his combat stance as the maniac in a lime green suit continued. "Soon, the entire planet will be consumed by my latest invention, and my deal with the entity…"

Before he could finish, the roof of the cave exploded in a violent display of light and flying rock. Descending from the sky came the ever regal form of Wonder Woman.

And by god did she look pissed.

Talia hissed in jealous rage, and leapt towards the air with her canines and knives bared.

Unfortunately, she couldn't, and instead merely got her foot caught on the railing and tumbled, screaming bloody murder, down into the fire pits below.

So it goes.

Wonder Woman, still pissed, landed next to Batman, and glared fiercely. Batman took offense to her presence.

"What are you doing here Diana! You're supposed to be in the manor!"

She snarled slightly. "Yes, I'm sure I was. But Doctor Psycho was going on a rampage, and since no one else was going to stop him….."

"Wait, who the hell is Doctor Psycho?" Batman questioned.

"He's a reoccurring villain in my comics that…"

"You have _comics!?"_ Batman questioned further, unaware of the massive glower that was strewn across Wonder Woman's face.

With a slight hiss, she grabbed onto his cloak, turned to Ras, and said, "I'm going to borrow him for a few minutes. You can have whatever's left."

Ras gulped and nodded his head, shaking ever so slightly as the duo lifted off into the clouds.

"You poor son of a bitch…..Detective." he murmured.

* * *

 **Was that as bad as I think it is? Because I feel like my story is bad and I should feel bad.**

 **Meh, let me know in the magical box of instant communication.**


End file.
